Solidarity
I do not know personally Ka Rene Penas, the murdered leader of the Sumilao and Calatagan farmers and yet I felt compelled within to continue what he had been fighting for: right to land, right to cultivate land.
I will not also consider myself a socially-aware person. I am guilty of being caught up in my own world, my own cares, my own worries, my own problems, my own victories, my own desires. But the plight of the farmers, especially the Sumilao, is something very close to me because it was their story which broke in my social consciousness. It was their story of pushing for, fighting for their right that caught my attention and has converted me morally. Moral coversion understood not just avoiding sins and obeying the Law but moral conversion which intends what is truly valuable, what is truly worthy, what is truly good (cf. Lonergan’s discourse on moral conversion). When one does not anymore intend what is pleasurable, what is satisfactory, what is convenient; instead, one only intends what is truly good despite it being unpleasurable, unsatisfactory, and inconvenient.
I imagined that the road Ka Rene trod had not been easy. Proof of this would be his tragic fate. And yet I believe, he knew what awaited him, he knew that he was up against “giants”, “powerful” persons and entities. He knew that in the end, what he was fighting for, what he was living his life for, would cost him his life…and it did. And I could not help but connect his fate with that of the early Christians. Didn’t most of them die a tragic death? They all trod the martyr’s road. I could not help but ask and reflect what made them fearless in the face of death? Why were they able to push forward knowing that the consequence of their mission and their action would be death. Why? And all these will point only to one man’s example: Christ. Indeed, they were disciples of Christ, followers of Christ. They followed him even unto death just to proclaim the good news. And what is this good news — that God wants us to experience fullness of love, peace and justice, at all costs! They believed that these were truly worthwhile, truly valuable, truly good, and even more worthy than their own lives. And Ka Rene was no different. He knew that what he was fighting for, living for and died for was good news. He is worthy to be called a true Christian.
The spirit of Christ, the examples of Christ’s selfless love, is still very much alive in our midst in the examples of people who are not afraid to die, or let me rephrase, it is alive in the examples of people who are not afraid to live out the values of Christ…even to the point of giving up their lives. They have discovered that indeed, God’s love “is better than life.” (cf. Psalm 63).
So in my own little way, I decide to put my blogging in good service— to make people aware that there is a world beyond our own worlds; there is a need that is far greater than our own needs; that there are people who are out to live for, fight for, and even die for the good news of Jesus Christ. This is a challenge to all Christians. We are unworthy of this name unless we will truly live out the life Christ lived, a life for those who have less, who are least, and who are last. The challenge may be “challenging” and will even require us to transcend our own weaknesses, our own limitations, our own comfort zones, but we have to start somewhere. We have to fix our hope in Christ, that with his Spirit in us, and in our midst, we can contribute to making this world closer to what he has intended it to be…a place where justice, peace, and love of God will be felt and experienced by all people through people.
Let us support the plight of our farmers (or other causes that promote dignity of life and creation) in whatever way you think you can help (by blogging, by donation, by signature campaigns, by information dissemination, by being involved, by policy making, etc.) It has to start somewhere. It has to start with me.
FROM http://apps.facebook.com/causes/295013 (Justice for Ka Rene, Justice for All Farmers cause)
Bukas (June 9) ay darating ang labi ni Nong Rene Penas sa Manila galing Sumilao, Bukidnon. Ang labi ay darating sa OLD DOMESTIC AIRPORT, Mia Road, Pasay City sa ganap na alas-3:00 ng hapon.
Mula at pagkadating sa Domestic Airport ay magkakaroon ng isang MOTORCADE/CARAVAN papuntang St. Peter’s Memorial Chapel, Quezon Avenue para maayusan si Nong Rene. Ang daan ay via Airport Road-Roxas Boulevard-Quirino Avenue-Nagtahan-Ramon Magsaysay Boulevard-Araneta-Quezon Avenue.
Sa ganap na 6:30PM ay ilulunsad ang LAKAW PARA KAY NONG RENE kung saan magmamartsa mula St. Peter patungong Dela Strada Parish Church, Katipunan Avenue, Bgy. Pansol, Quezon City na siyang magiging himpilan ng labi ni Nong Rene habang nasa Maynila.
Lahat ng ka-Facebook sa causang ito ay inaanyayahang:
(1.) makisalubong sa labi ni Ka Rene sa St. Peter’s sa ganap na alas 5PM at makimartsa patungong Dela Strada; o
(2.) sumalubong sa Dela Strada Parish.
Muli, patuloy po ang aming pasasalamat sa “outpouring” ng support para kay Nong Rene. Ang inyong tulong pinansyal para sa pamilyang naulila ni Nong Rene at ang pagpapagamot sa dalawa pang nasa hospital na kasama ni Nong Rene nuong gabing siya ay pinaslang ay lubos naming tatanggapin.
Manalangin tayo na ang katarungan at katotohanan ay pumaimbabaw sa gitna ng kawalang katiyakan kung sino ang tunay na salarin.
Para sa karagdagang updates, bisitahin ang http://landwatch.i.ph o makipag-ugnayan sa amin.
Maraming salamat at halinang mag-Facebook eyeball para kay Nong Rene habang ang kanyang labi narito sa Maynila.
Hanggang sa muli,
Gari LAZARO
People’s Campaign for Agrarian Reform Network
Task Force Rene Penas
Our Trinitarian Faith
And I tell you, Ask and it will be given you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For every one who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.What father among you, if his son asks for a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” – Luke 11:9-13
We have heard this passage countless times in our lives.More often, i not always, we quote this passage to show God’s generosity — we only need to ask, to seek, to find, in order for us to receive what we have asked, find what we have sought, and for doors to be opened to our knocking.And yet, do we really grasp the profound generosity, or should I say magnanimity of God in this passage?The Father would not only give us whatever we ask, for majority of the time, the things that we asked are usually temporal things, which also come from him; rather, there is something more magnanimous and greater than the things we ask him that the Father is willing to give — the Holy Spirit.The Holy Spirit, the Spirit of God, or in simple yet often-neglected terms, God himself.
As Christians, we were taught since we were young that there is “one God who is three equal and distinct persons” – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit (CFC1326).Personally, I accepted this truth, this reality as fact when I was young because I am a Catholic and as such I am supposed to believe it.I also learned to accept that God is a mystery that is why I did not anymore try inquiring how we can have one God in three persons.It was more convenient to just accept it than to seek understanding of this great mystery.I thought I was doing God a favor, I thought I was being a good Catholic, a good Christian by believing “blindly”.I’m sure most of you can resonate with me on this. Yet now I realized that for thirty years, I was missing so much!I regret having wasted so much time not fully living my Trinitarian faith. I acknowledge that for me to truly follow God and love God and serve God, I should first know him.Him in his Reality.Him in his Mystery.Him in his Trinity.
Now, I would like to invite you to just, for a moment, recall your last conversation with God.How did you address him? Were you thinking of God the Father? Or were you talking to Jesus Christ as channel to the Father?Did you address him, “Almighty Father”? “Jesus”? Did you imagine him as an old man with long hair and beard? As Jesus on the Cross? As the Risen Jesus? As Jesus in “blue jeans”?Or were you just addressing an empty space? A vacuum? A concept that of God?I am pretty sure, whatever it is, you have never thought of addressing God as the Holy Spirit.
Our Trinitarian faith consists of believing in just ONE God in THREE persons.But why is it that until now, it is still difficult for us to regard the Holy Spirit as equal to the Father and the Son?Definitely there is nothing wrong with our image of God right now as the Father or as Jesus Christ. There is nothing wrong except that it is incomplete.We have to give the Holy Spirit his rightful place as the third person in the Trinity.We will have no full experience and encounter of God if we do not have the Holy Spirit. That is, if we don’t regard him as God.We need to understand the Trinity as a relationship. “It is a communion of love, an eternal giving, receiving and exchanging of love among the inseparable persons of the Trinity — Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.” (CCC 221) And the only way for us to understand this relationship is to put the Holy Spirit in the table with the Father and the Son.
Again, this discourse is not to “glorify” the Holy Spirit apart from the Father and the Son.And I believe if we glorify the Holy Spirit, it is also glorifying the Father and the Son because “with the Father and the Son, He is worshipped and glorified.” (cf. Nicene Creed).This discourse is to emphasize the significance of asking for the Holy Spirit.The importance of understanding the Holy Spirit NOT as an agent of God but as God himself, distinct from, yet one with the Father and the Son.
Distinct from the Father and the Son
The Holy Spirit is the third person in the Trinity.It is easy for us to acknowledge the Father as God, Jesus as God, and yet when it comes to the Holy Spirit, it is like accepting him as God based on our profession of faith only; yet somehow, we tend to relate with him as less greater than the Father and the Son, or sometimes just an agent of the Father or the Son.True, he is another paraclete, an advocate (cf. John 14:16) but we tend to understand these terms as a helper, in an inferior, subordinate sense to the Father and the Son. It is like understanding it or treating it like how one usually treats one’s household help.The world can never perceive one’s helper as equal to the master.Maybe this is one reason we subconsciously relate to the Holy Spirit as less than the Father and the Son. But the action of the Holy Spirit is distinct from the action of the Father and the Son.Although, of course, we need to qualify that the action of one is also the action of the other because they are inseparable.But similarly, if we designate creation to the work of the Father, and the redemption to the work of the Son, definitely, the Holy Spirit as a distinct person in the Trinity, also has a work that is specially designated to him.And that would be to teach us everything and remind as of what Jesus had taught his apostles (cf. Jn 14:26), and guide us and bring us to the fullness of truth (cf. Jn 16:13). Truth of whom? Of God himself.
We can say that if the Old Testament time was visibly the Father’s time, and the New Testament as the Son’s time, the time in between the commissioning, when Jesus breathe upon the apostles the Holy Spirit, and the final glory, or what is commonly known as the eschaton, is definitely the time of the Holy Spirit. Our time now, the time we are in, is the time of the Spirit.
One with the Father and the Son
Here we will see that the Holy Spirit is one with the Father and the Son as the three persons are but ONE God.Being one, it would definitely mean that no one is greater than the other.They are all equal and they are all inseparable. Where the Father is, there is the Son and the Holy Spirit, where the Son is, there is the Father and the Holy Spirit, and where the Holy Spirit is, there is the Father and the Son.A unity of three persons.An equality among three persons.We can best understand this if we reflect on God as a relationship.A relationship is not a relationship unless there are persons.One person does not make up a relationship.It has to consist of at least two persons, or more.A marriage is a relationship, a father and a son, a mother and a granddaughter are examples of relationships.And when we think of relationships as these, especially those which are founded on love, no one comes first, every one is equal, and every one is special. Each can be distinct and yet each is loved without measure. That is the simplest analogy we can compare to the one-ness and unity of the Trinity as a relationship.
So what now?
So far, what we have been establishing is the “Godness” of the Holy Spirit. He has a rightful place in the table of communion with the Father and of the Son. And yet, so what? One might ask.What is the relevance of this reality in my life? Is it not enough that I believe in God? That I believe in Christ?Precisely because we are Christians and that we believe that Jesus is the Son of God who became fully human that we should NEVER forget the action of the Spirit in the story of incarnation.We profess in the creed, “…I believe in Jesus Christ…who was conceived by the Holy Spirit.”It was the Holy Spirit who conceived Jesus Christ.It was the Holy Spirit whom Jesus promised his disciples (cf. Jn 14:16), the Spirit of Truth who will guide us into all the truth (cf. Jn 16:13).The Holy Spirit is the help promised to us.The presence that speaks of God’s fidelity to us, that he is STILL with us.He is the proof that God continues to perpetuate his presence in our midst.He is faithful to his promise.There is no reason for us to despair that God has abandoned us or neglected us.In the midst of chaos and sufferings, injustice and calamities around us, the presence of the Holy Spirit within us and in the Church is the presence of God in our midst.We may have gone tired and weary of hoping for a better world, of seeing a world where there is no hunger, no poor people, no violence, no victims, we might even have given up going to Church as we feel that anyway nothing will ever change. People are resorting to greed, selfish actions, indifference. It is as if the face of Christ could not be seen anymore in our neighbor. And yet, the reality still stands that the Holy Spirit is in our midst.God is still with us.He is very much alive and present.It is this reality that there is a need to heed Jesus’ call to ask for the Holy Spirit from the Father.Asking the Holy Spirit is asking for God.A God not in abstract terms but of a God who is the third person in the Trinity, distinct from the Father and the Son. A God who can help us.A God who loves us. A God who is with us, for us.And this should be a source of hope for all of us that we have a God who never and will NOT EVER abandon us.
God | Comment (0)Making A Difference
Midnight. I just finished reading my students’ reflections on the questions on what their innermost desire/s is/are right now and what struck them and how did they feel after they watched the video of the song of David Haas, “Long Before I Was Born.” It took me two hours to read them all. I never intended to read them all tonight. And yet as I read one reflection after another, I could not stop myself from reading the rest of the class’ reflections.
This week has been a memorable week for me because this is the week I finally realized my dream to teach…and teach theology that is. During my first day in teaching I felt mixed emotions as I did not know what to feel since I know I am looking forward to share my experience of God to these young people and yet I am insecure that maybe I may not be able to to do this. I was overwhelmed by the fact that I would be “moving”, “stirring” more than 100 hearts. How can this be possible?
But God has been so good to me and supportive of me because He sent me people to remind me that I cannot please every one, I do not have to change everyone, to make a difference on one person is already enough. And so I remember Mother Teresa when she said to focus first on one person at a time, that one person is worthy of all the efforts of the heaven. And this has consoled me. Then God continued to remind me that this is not my work, it is His, I am just a mere instrument of His love. He would be the one moving 100 or so hearts, stirring the hearts of these students. He is the one making a difference.
And so, while I was reading their reflection, I had no expectation as to how they will answer the questions or even how they were moved by the activity. So it was totally very revealing of God when I immediately recognized his works in the reflections of my students. He never fail to make his presence felt. Even with my students who have questions and issues with him, I still sensed that God would very much like to connect with them and reveal his true self to them. I felt that God was with me while I was reading their reflections. I felt like God was smiling all the time and had been meaning to tell me, “see how I can make my presence felt.” In that moment, I recognized that this vocation is truly rewarding and truly a blessing. My experience of encountering God in spiritual direction is similar to what I have experienced reading my students’ reflection, it was an encounter x 40! I was anxious on trying to make a difference on 100 students without realizing that these many students will also make a difference in my life. I could not but feel honored and beholden again by God for allowing me to experience this…In a week’s time, my life has been affected radically by 100 different lives, 100 different experiences, 100 different encounters with God. And in all these, God is magnified 100x!
God has not just been making difference in my students’ lives but also is continuously making a difference in my life.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)Whatever will be, will be
When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be. Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Here’s what she said to me: Que cera cera. Whatever will be, will be. The future’s not ours to see, que cera cera. What will be, will be.
When I was just a little girl, barely in my teens, I dreamed of two things. I dreamed of becoming a teacher and of building a 24/7 school for the out-of-school youth. I call these childhood dreams, my original dreams. Dreams that until now have yet to come true.
While I was growing up, I realized that there was a world bigger than I thought. There are more options, more choices to choose from. And so, for the most part of my life, I tried to set aside my original dreams. From pursuing this path, I began to change my course and tread a different road. Decisions became complicated. They were not just about doing what I like or I desire most but I have to consider as well my family, the economy, my self-fulfillment. Slowly, I learned to accept that maybe this was the life I have to live. Maybe, my original dreams, my childhood dreams are just that…dreams of my childhood.
When my daddy died four years ago, I experienced a period of depression and emptiness. All these years, I have never thought that all my efforts, all the dreams I have tried to fulfill were centered on giving my family, my parents a good life. So when he passed away, I lost the meaning for all my efforts. I tried to seek answers to my one question, “what is there to live for?” I found myself just living the life like a “dead man walking.” I found no purpose, and I seemed to just be waiting for my own death. It went on for a while until I went on a retreat.
It has been two years now since I finished that retreat. As I ended it, I have began a new chapter in my life. I tried to retrace my steps and follow the road I was originally supposed to follow. This road, is the road to realize my original dreams.
How amazing that after 20 years, I am still able to realize these dreams. One out of these two, I will already fulfill as I will start teaching this coming June. The other one, I believe will take a while as I still need to come up with a project proposal which will describe in detail what this dream is all about. Yet, after all these years, the dream of building this school is still clear and vivid in my mind.
I dream to build a school that will be open all day, all night, 24/7, for young people (and maybe even old) who still want to pursue their education in spite of their life’s struggles. It is open 24/7 because I want to give opportunity to children who work in the day to study at night. I dream to make this school for free and be recognized by DECS. Through this, I hope to keep the hopes of these people for a better future alive. I remember that at that age, about 10, I was already so excited to start this project that I have even drafted the schedule of classes and the subjects that we will offer. I planned to invite volunteers to teach during their free time. Everything will be done out of charity, out of the desire to pay it forward. I know this dream will come true in time. In God’s time.
If I have childhood dreams, I also have new dreams. These are the dreams that I have desired while I was doing the retreat and even after I finished it. I dreamed to become a saint, to participate in the peace-keeping process in Mindanao or do mission in Mindanao, and to find a man who will share the same dreams as I have and can serve God side-by-side with me.
The dream of becoming a saint was very ambitious the first time it crossed my mind, and yet the invitation by God was very clear. He wants me to be a saint. Since then, I told some confidantes about this and left instructions that in case i die unexpectedly, they should get all my journals and have these submitted to the Vatican for application for my canonization 
Until now, I do not take this seriously, and yet deep in me, I sure would like to be a saint, a person set apart, not because of who she is but because of what God has done and is to her.
My dream to do mission in Mindanao started with just one blog. I read a blog about the peacekeeping process in Mindanao and how Muslims and Christians are working for unity. I felt I would like to be part of it. Believe me, the first time I thought of it, I felt a little scared because though the intention is noble, I know that it means being ready to lay down your life. And at that moment, I know I am not yet ready to die. Still, I prayed for courage that one day I can already tell God, “ok send me.”
Lastly, the dream to get married has been clear to me since I was young. I really wanted to get married. My prayer has always been to find the man to love and who will love me. That is why, I was taken by surprise when this year, I found this dream being purified. Yes, I still want to get married but now I hope to be married with someone who also shares the same dreams as I have. “I want to serve God with him by my side.” I pray that as a couple, we could both serve God together. And then it hit me, I guess I need this man to help me fulfill my dream to build the school, and yes maybe with this man by my side, I will not fear being sent to mission like that in Mindanao. Reading stories of couples in mission has further kindle this desire in my heart. Again, I know in time this will come true. Only in God’s time.
These are big dreams that have yet to come true. I also have small dreams, a wish list, which I am ok if they are fulfilled or not. These are the dreams which are already beyond my control because I know right now I cannot afford them or not a priority for the time being. These are the dreams which I have already surrendered to God. It’s up to him if he will still give it to me.
First, my dream to go on a pilgrimage with my mom, to go to the holy land, to Ephesus, to the Marian spots. For the meantime, I am all right watching EWTN’s “In the footsteps of Christ.” I also dream of driving again. I know this has been a material regret for me, to own a car. But actually it is not the car I am after but I realized it is the joy of driving. Whenever I reminisce the times I still could drive, I know that it was a moment I felt so free, so alone, yet so at peace. Driving for me is a way to just be. I dream to have my own laptop, it may be shallow for some, but for me, I really want to have my personal wordprocessor. I do not dream of owning a state-of-the-art notebook but something I can just use. I see the importance of having my own because it will be handy when I do my lesson plan, and of course being online, and not having to queue in line and wait after my mom is finished playing the game in the pc or after my brother or my sister-in-law, or my neice is finished using it. I know the cost is not that much but for now, I could not prioritize it. Again, these are just wish list. And yet I know, even these things, in time God will fulfill.
Que cera cera, whatever will be, will be. Emphasis on “whatever will be, will be.” Now it is clearer to me that as long as it is according to God’s master plan, it will be. It is all just a matter of time and of trust.
Current Affairs, Religion, Uncategorized | Comment (0)Tatlong Linggo
Tatlong linggo na ang nakakalipas magmula nang bitiwan mo ang iyong pangako. Tatlong linggo na ring walang patid ang pagluha dahil sa magkahalong tuwa at pag-aalinlangan sa regalong ibig isakatuparan.
Sa loob ng tatlong linggong ito tunay kang naging matapat at hindi ako hinayaang mawalan ng tiwala sa iyo. Ilang beses mo nga ba akong binigyan ng mumunting paalala lalu na sa oras na parang gusto ko nang bitawan ang pinakaaasam? Bagkus, pilit mo pa nga itong pinapahawakan sa akin ng mahigpit.
Kanina, muntik na. Muntik ko na talagang tuluyang pakawalan ang dasal na maingat na tangan-tangan.
Mahirap pala. Mahirap palang maghintay sa oras na itinakda mo. Ramdam ko na pagod na akong maghintay sa oras na iyon.
Ang nais ko sana’y ngayon na. Ngayon mo na ibigay. Ang pakiwari ko, di ko na kayang tumagal ng isa pang araw, isa pang linggo, isa pang taon para lamang hintayin ang oras kung kailan matutupad ang pangakong iyon.
Handa na ako na pakawalan ito kapalit ang sa tingin ko’y katahimikan at kapanatagan na naging mailap sa akin nitong mga nagdaang linggo.
Tatlong linggo na akong puyat, tatlong linggo na akong laging nag-iisip kung kailan, kung papaano mangyayari ang lahat.Nakakasawa na. Nakakapagod na. Nakakapanghinang talaga.
Ang sabi ko sa iyo, “Kung hindi ngayon, ‘wag na lang.” Mahirap man itong sambitin sa iyo, para sa akin ito lamang ang tanging alam ko para matapos na ang hirap ng kalooban na pinagdadaanan.“Kung hindi ngayon, hihingin ko na lang sa iyo Panginoon na baguhin mo na lamang ang aking pakiramdam. Ibalik ninyo na lang sa dati ang lahat.”
Handa na akong harapin ang panibagong bukas.Handa na akong tangapin na ako ang umayaw. Subalit, muli’t-muli, walang sawa ka, Panginoon. Walang pagod mo akong pinagbibigyan.
“Iyon lamang ba ang gusto mo?” ang tanging tugon mo. At sa isang iglap, napawi ang lungkot ko, napawi ang agam-agam at napalitan ito ng tuwa at mas pinaigting na pagtitiwala sa iyo.
Tunay nga, Panginoon…tunay ka ngang matapat sa iyong pangako. Tatlong linggo na nga ang nakakalipas pero hanggang ngayon, ito pa rin ang tangi mong paalala sa akin: “Kumapit ka lang at huwag na huwag kang bibitaw.”
Uncategorized | Comment (0)The State of “In-between”
When one speak of state of life, there are only three states that one can think of: Marriage Life, Religious Life, and Single Blessedness. The first one is for those who are invited to a life of holiness by building up families grounded on Christian and Kingdom values. The second state is for those who are courageous to submit to the three vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. Lastly, the third is for those who have resolved in themselves that they would be happier and more at peace being single and practicing the virtue of chastity for the glory of God. Yet I wonder, what state of life would most people belong in if they are in the state of “in-between”. In between being single and being married. They are not in a relationship, yet they are still hopeful that one day they will find the person with whom they would like to spend the rest of their lives. This is the state I find myself in. And I know most of my friends can resonate and relate that yes, this is the state they also find themselves in.
This is a “meantime” state. It is a state because it is where we find ourselves in right now. In our present state, current state, we know religious life is not for us, we know that single blessedness is not yet that attractive for us. In our present state, we know that we would be most fully alive if we have someone, if we can express love with somebody and feel love as well concretely from someone. And thinking about spending the rest of our lives with this person gives us a brief experience of joy and fulfillment.
This is the state most of us find ourselves in. In this state, what then would be the invitation for us? I believe the invitation is to surrender to God’s time and ways. The invitation is to trust that indeed God knows what our desires are and ultimately, he would want to make us happy and fulfill these desires in his time, through his ways. The state of “in-between” is a period of waiting. Waiting for God to fulfill his promise to us. But we do not just wait passively. In our present state we can already find meaning, purpose and happiness in what we are doing. We know that as we are now, we are already happy. Happy serving God, happy following his will, happy experiencing his love for us. This meantime state already demands commitment from us. Commitment to be instrument of God’s love, commitment to be source of hope to others, and commitment to keep the faith and trust in Him.
In this state, I am already at peace, I am already happy. There is already a decision to wait…wait for God. The waiting may take long or take me by surprise but the invitation is there:”Just trust me,” says God.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)For the Greatest Woman
Today, April 28, is my mom’s birthday. Actually, it is one of two parts. For almost 50 years she had been celebrating her birthday on this date but it was when she had to secure a new copy of her birth certificate that she saw her birthdate as May 2. Now, she has no way of confirming which is the correct one as my grand mother has already passed away. Oh well, happy mistake, now she celebrates it a week long.
Since last night, I’ve been thinking what gift to give her. Ang hirap niya kasi regaluhan. Wala kasi siya talagang gusto na bagay. My mom is not materialistic, that’s for sure. Hindi yan mahilig sa bag, sa sapatos, sa alahas, damit man o make-up. Kaya pag birthday niya o pasko man, hirap na hirap kami magregalo sa kanya ng mga kapatid ko. Sometimes, I think the best gift for her, something that she would really appreciate is cash. Kidding aside, ang dami niya kasing tinutulungan. Ang dami niyang gustong tulungan. For her mas masaya siya pag nakakatulong siya sa iba kesa makatanggap siya ng regalo for her. Kaya this morning I thought, why not blog about her. I’ve been paying tribute to my dad for the longest time. But I have not really said good things about my mom. Siguro dahil hindi namin nakasanayan sa family namin etong ganitong expressions of love (my siblings will agree). Pero, I realized at this age, at my age, and her age, would I let “embarassment” get in the way of paying tribute to the greatest mother? (naks!)
My sister and brothers and even sisters-in-law (and include too my dad) will agree that my mom is a one-of-a-kind mother. Para siyang inang ibon na hinahayaan ang mga anak niyang matutong lumipad on their own. If my dad spoiled me, sheltered us when he was still alive, it was our mom who gave us our “freedom.” Siya ang taga-lobby sa daddy ko na hayaan kaming gawin ang gusto namin. She taught us at an early age to be responsible, to work for what we want. When we were growing up, especially during our hard-up times, nasa college na ako noon sa La Salle, the single most important lesson she kept reminding us was “Huwag kang makipagsabayan sa mga kasama mo.” At that age, that sense of belongingness was very crucial. I didn’t realize the wisdom in that reminder. In my desire to “fit” it, to “belong” sometimes, I have to earn, save for something I like kasi hindi ako bibigyan ng mommy ko ng pera para sa luho ko. I remember I tried to convince her to get myself a yearbook. Sabi niya, hindi ko iyon kailangan. But for me, it would contain my college “memories.” My favorite aunt in the long run helped me with paying the fees for the yearbook, but now sa totoo lang iyong yearbook na iyon, nakatiwangwang na lang. Tama nga si mommy.
Our family had been through a lot. My worst fear when we were growing up was money. Fear in not having. There were times in the past that our electricity had to be cut because we cannot pay the bills. We moved several houses here in Manila after living in Pacita for almost 5 years because we cannot pay the rent anymore. Minsan naranasan din namin na wala na kaming makain talaga. Isang classic example na until now naaalala ko and I still couldn’t help but be amazed was a time when we want to buy some chichiria sa tindahan. Ni coins wala talaga kami. Ang naisip naming magkakapatid, maghanap ng barya sa mga singit singit ng upuan, tawa kami ng tawa pagkatapos kasi nakalimang piso din ata kami at nakabili kami ng chichirya. That time, the only thing we know to survive was to loan from relatives. At ang mommy ko kilala diyan. She would loan money to the point of “humiliation” minsan. Sometimes, I would hear people tell her why she kept on loaning without paying. Pero hindi rin naman siya matiis ng mga kapatid niya. But that left a stigma in her. It was hard to listen to people saying these things to her. Vicious cycle na ang pangungutang and all the more that I hated money! And yet, did she ever get affected by it? I don’t know. I didn’t see that she was. Siguro dahil for her mas importante kami sa sasabihin ng tao. Pride is not in my mom’s vocabulary. She would do all sort of odd jobs, like sell insurance, sell “pasalubong” in the office just to earn and have money to pay the bills and buy food. Maabilidad siya talaga. And I appreciate it very much. Most of the times, I would pray hard to God na sana magkapera na kami para hindi na namin kailangan mangutang. Ayoko na kasing nahihirapan ang mommy at daddy ko. But those times, I felt like God was sooooo silent. To the point that I even wrote a hate letter to God sa inis ko dahil parang hinahayaan lang niya kaming maghirap. I could not see the grace in our situation. Madalas kong itanong kailan ba eto matatapos. But all throughout, my mom has been our source of strength. Panghinaan man ng loob na ang daddy ko, she would keep her ground. I never heard her complain. Kahit na may masakit sa kanya, we would never know about it. Her strength all this time has been God. Iyon siguro ang pinakaimportanteng kayamanan na nakuha namin sa kanya. Her life’s witness to God. Simula ng makilala niya ang Divine Mercy, sobrang grasya ang natanggap naming pamilya. She was the one who introduced to us the devotion to the Divine Mercy. Hindi malayong mangyari na ang Divine Mercy ang patron ng aming family. My dad even passed away at the hour of great mercy (3AM), while tuned in on the Divine Mercy channel. This devotion would be my mom’s greatest gift to us.
As I mature in age, I begin to appreciate the wisdom of my mom. Siya ang nagsabi sa amin na hindi mahalaga ang kayamanan, ang mag-ipon ng kayamanan dito sa mundo. Sabi niya mas magandang mag-invest sa kayamanang madadala sa kabilang buhay. For her, hindi mahalaga ang magkaroon ng sariling bahay kasi daw iiwanan mo din eto pag namatay ka. I could not make sense of that before pero now that I am following a vocation of simple life or poverty, now it makes sense. Slowly, na-appreciate ko lahat ng itinuro niya sa amin. Siguro kaya hindi mahirap mag let go ng mga material desires kasi nga at an early age, natutunan ko na hindi iyon mahalaga. There is much more important and valuable thing than fame, power and fortune, and that would be our relationship with God and our relationship with each other. Siguro eto rin ang dahilan kaya kaming magkakapatid, though we’re not expressive with our loving, are bonded tightly and rooted deeply. I am also proud of the kind of relationship we have with each other. We know that we can depend on each other. We love each other without cost. We don’t measure the kindness we extend to each other. We’ve all gone through the tough times in our family life together that is why we know how it was to be in need. Kaya ngayon, pag isa sa amin may kailangan, hindi mahihiyang humingi ng tulong or hindi din naman magaatubiling magbigay ng tulong. It is not out of guilt or obligation but out of genuine love and care. My mom and my dad’s guidance was instrumental in this. Ngayon naiintindihan ko na why before walang pakialam ang mommy ko kahit na pagsabihan siya ng mga ate niya pag utang siya ng utang. Wala siyang pakialam not because she really didn’t care but because she knew they’re her family, she knew they will continue to love her. Sabi niya nga, “ganun lang naman daw sila pero alam niya mahal siya ng mga kapatid niya at hindi siya matitiis ng mga eto.” And so she will tell us na dapat ganun din kami. We should help each other, meaning kaming magkakapatid. Kung sino ang meron magbigay. Kung sino ang wala, humingi ng tulong. Siguro iyon din ang dahilan why in the past 10 years that I’ve been earning, transparent ako sa family ko kung magkano ang sweldo ko. It was also the reason why I was not able to save. Kasi mas gusto kong magbigay sa kanila. I like to provide them a good life. I like to see them happy. Did I regret not having saved now that I am not earning much? No. Because I invested in memories, in relationships. All thanks to my mom’s wisdom, values.
There was this one time, some of my officemates commended me for my attitude at work. Hindi daw ako macomplain. Then two of them said, “maganda siguro pagpapalaki sa iyo ng magulang mo.” And they were right. I might not be perfect but whoever I am now has been because of how I was brought up by my parents, because of their life’s examples, because of their values and wisdom imparted to us.
In this note, wala akong maibibigay sa mommy ko ngayon kundi ang taos pusong pasasalamat sa buhay na handog niya sa aming magkakapatid at sa aming pamilya. Happy birthday, mother! 
“Great Things Are Coming My Way”
In my lowest point in life, I remember, the words I was able to utter were: “Great things are coming my way.” Somehow, I have a feeling that whatever I was going through at that time, however hard it was to look for the light at the end of the tunnel, I was still very much hopeful that “something great is coming my way.” I just have to trust.
Last holy week up until my training for CIS’ module 4, the predominant theme of my prayer was vocation. Vocation not so much of state of life but vocation as finding God’s will for me. Accepting God’s will for me to be happy. I also remember, even prior to attending the retreat that I can already sense that the invitation for me really is to minister to the laity. To promote vocation, to make people want and desire to seek, find, feel and do God’s will in their lives. I know that one way to accomplish this is through retreat direction. But another way can be through teaching.
I really really wanted to teach eversince I was young. But somehow, I set aside this desire because I wanted to earn more first. I was aware that teaching will not make me rich (although, pursuing another career path didn’t make me either It was only in 2007, after I finished a retreat that I reconsidered pursuing this desire again. But I didn’t immediately jump into teaching. My director asked me if I would like to try studying theology first. And so I did. I enjoyed my classes at LST to the point that I told myself that even if I don’t pursue teaching I would still be okay as I was already enriched by my experience from studying here. And thus, this semester, before it ended, I had the urge to consider going back again to corporate world. I started applying again for a brand management position. I was excited to go back. I told myself, I will just finish my thesis later on and pursue teaching thereafter. But I believe, God is faithful to his promise. He would like to keep his promise to fulfill my desire. He knows where I would be truly truly happy. It was after my 5th job rejection that I finally surrendered my “fate”, my “future”, and my “plans” to God. Sabi ko na lang sa sarili ko, “siguro gusto pa rin ng Diyos ituloy ang layunin nya sa akin.” Thus, all the more that I affirmed myself, “something great is surely coming my way.” As to the time and the ways, I have to surrender these to God.
Then came this day, today. I e-mailed Lasalle this morning to express to them that I would like to activate my pending application with them which I deferred last time. At noon, they called me and asked if I can come at 4pm to do demo teaching. Even if I had no idea what to teach for demo, I went off. My friend Jericho was with me to support me :) There were three members in the panel, including the department chair. I had only 15 minutes to present. I chose to present Ecclesiology. After that, there was a brief interview, I really didn’t know that time if I got the job or not. But I expressed to them that I really really wanted to teach and in order for me to realize this goal, I have to start somewhere, someone has to risk on getting me. Then, after some preliminary remarks from the chair, he finally welcomed me to their team. It felt so good. I thought that was it. Then I became even more excited when they told me that I would be teaching a course on vocation (Call to Holiness: Married life and Vocation). This subject is really close to my heart. I was excited because I know that aside from what I have learned from LST, I can definitely bring to them and share with the students my Ignatian spirituality. hehehehe. Things went so fast and before I knew it, they were dictating to me already my schedule, my room assignment, etc. I was glad too that the schedule given to me are the free days I have arranged with my present employer. So really, there is no need for me to change my schedule. I can still work with the AA’s and teach.
God is truly wonderful and great! I am so overwhelmed with joy.
life | Comment (0)Pangako
Naaalala ko ang umagang iyon
Gumising ng maaga upang makipagulayaw sa’yo
Bitbit sa aking damdamin lahat ng hinanakit
Ang tangi lamang nais ay maintindihan mo
Kung bakit hanggang sa ngayon,
Kay hirap kong magtiwala sa’yo.
Tinanong mo ako, “Hindi pa ba sapat ang pag-ibig ko?”
Ang sabi ko lamang, “Oo lubos ko etong nararamdaman
Pero iba pa rin kung meron akong katuwang.”
Nang gabing iyon ako’y tinawag mo,
Niyaya mo akong makipag-usap sayo.
Iyong pinaalala ang mga nagdaang taon
Mga alaalang naipon at umusbong
Dito sa ating tagpuan ngayon.
Oo nga no, madami na tayong pinagsamahan.
Matagal na pala tayong magkakilala.
Kilala na kita at alam mo din marahil
Kung sino ako talaga.
Kaya nga nang ako’y tanungin, “Gusto mo ba siya talaga?”
Di ko maikaila sa’yo ang aking nadarama.
Magkahalong tuwa at takot na aking sinagot,
“Oo, masaya ako kapag kasama ko siya.”
Ramdam ko ang iyong kasiyahan nang ito’y aking aminin,
At di mo napigilang ako’y tanungin, “Bakit hindi mo siya hingin sa akin?”
Batid ko ang iyong pananabik na ako’y pagbigyan.
Subali’t ang nais mo’y, ito’y manggaling sa akin.
“Gusto mo ba siya ?” tanong mo ulit.
“Masaya ka ba sa kanya?”
“Kung ganun, ano pang hinihintay mo?
Bakit ayaw mo pa siyang hingin sa akin?”
“Hindi ba’t ang pangako ko sayo’y, ibibigay ko ang anuman ang naisin mo
Hanggat ang hiling mo ay siyang tunay na gusto mo.
Kung gusto mo siya talaga, bakit hindi mo siya hingin sa akin?”
Ano pa nga ba ang pwedeng gawin sa ganitong imbitasyon?
Kundi ang sumang-ayon at hingin ito sa kanya.
“Sige Panginoon, hihingin ko na —
Ang nais ko’y magsilbi sa iyo na kasama siya.”
Uncategorized | Comment (0)Joyful. Grateful. Beholden
Three words that will describe my lenten experience are: Joyful. Grateful. Beholden.
Joyful. I entered the silent retreat as a spiritual companion asking for the grace to be able to experience the joy of resurrection. It may sound so contradictory to dispose oneself to the grace of resurrection knowing that from Holy Thursday to Black Saturday, we would all be remembering the passion and death of Jesus Christ. I also thought hard on asking this grace but I felt like I have already genuinely entered the experience of the passion and death of Jesus Christ and it is time to take the opportunity of being in silence to be able to enter the experience of resurrection. I also knew that this was what I was being invited to.
I know where there is joy, there is God. Thus, the moment I felt joy in my heart, I knew right there and then that God is there. There is joy in being able to cry your heart out, to pour out everything to God. I’ve been waiting for this retreat for a year because I’ve been keeping all my grief, my sentiments inside and I know that it is only in this sacred space, in my sacred space that I would be able to let everything out. There is joy in being able to release everything inside. To empty myself of all griefs, sadness, loneliness, anxieties, fears I am feeling before my God. There is joy in being reassured by God that I am important to him and that he loves me very much. There is joy in remembering the previous years I was there in that sacred place. To remember what God and I have been talking about all these years. To recall the promises, the encounters, the memories of time spent together.
That Thursday night, before the blessed sacrament, God made a promise to me. A promise that he wants to see me happy, at all cost! I never experienced a very persistent, enforcing (in a good way) God until that night. He challenged me to see myself as he sees me. To be not afraid to ask for the deepest desires of my heart. To not settle. To just ask, beg even for it. To keep that desire and nurture that desire in my heart. And never give up. The homily that night became so real for me — “love does not give up”, “love will find a way to hope, to trust, to give…” Yes, love will find a way for me. God has plans for me. God has planned everything out for me. And he only has the best in mind for me.
The best! I could not grasp before what this word meant until I came face to face with it. God presented a promise so beautiful, so wonderful, so amazing, so irresistible. I know in my heart that it (or he) is something (or someone) who would really make me so happy. I also know that I am someone who can make him happy as well. And yet, I found myself not being able to ask for it. I could not ask for it even if I really wanted to. I felt like “it is too good for me.” Then God asked me, “are you not worth it?” I realized only then that I still have some issues on my own personal worth. I felt like I don’t deserve something beautiful as that. So God said, “tuklasin mo ang kagandahan mo.” Only when you discover your true beauty that you would be able to love yourself more truthfully. So it hit me, yes, I don’t know how to love myself. “Paano ko nga ba pahalagahan ang sarili ko?” It is a question I do not know how to answer.
Grateful. But I am grateful because God had been so patient with me. My retreatants were such a blessing. Their experience of God’s love and of God himself have also allowed me to appreciate how God is working through me, and working in my life. Both retreatants had an experience of God being a Father. And yes, my experience of God during this retreat had been that of a loving father who only wants the best for his daughter. I am indeed my father’s daughter. I am grateful that during this retreat I was also able to enter the experience of being with my daddy. It was the first time in a long time that I was able to talk to him, and told him how much he is missed. That experience, that longing for my daddy had made me realize that the way I wanted to be loved is how my daddy had loved me: unconditional, without expectations, not out of obligation, not because of what I have. He loves me because of who I am: I am my father’s daughter. I am his. Like with God, I then understood that this is how God is loving me. He loves me not because of what I do for him, not because of how I pleased him but because I am his. I am the Father’s daughter and I am the Father’s joy.
Beholden. Having reclaimed my value, that is of being my father’s daughter and my father’s joy, I felt beholden by God. I found favor in God. It is not hard to believe that he only wants what’s best or who’s best for me. It is not hard to trust that he will keep his promise. And this is what I am afraid of, I know God will give it if I ask for it but I still have to settle my issues on my own self-worth. Patiently, lovingly God continues to affirm me that I am worth it. I am beautiful in his eyes and that I just have to see myself in his eyes, see myself in my daddy’s eyes. In the end, I finally gave in. I courageously ask for that which I know and I feel will make me happy. I know God was glad that I have finally taken that step.
His final words for me was: My love is like a raging storm (to prepare me for the “bumpy” road ahead). Yet his assurance were: Do not let go, “Wag kang bibitaw.” “Kumapit ka lang ng mahigpit.” Thereafter, I felt being carried on the wings of God.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)