Song of John

Two years ago, during my silent retreat, I had a very moving experience of the paschal mystery.  Thanks to my director that time who pushed me to enter into the experience of Jesus’ passion and death.  For two days, I had to struggle my way but he challenged me to not just be content with being an observer but enter into the experience.  So finally, on black Saturday, his challenge for me was enter into the experience of one of the apostles.  He asked me to pick one apostle to take on, and I felt that I would like to feel how John felt.  The method I used to contemplate and enter into his experience was monologue.  I recounted to myself, recalled, and remembered what transpired the day before.  As this experience resulted to a moving awareness of God’s presence , I was inspired to translate my experience, as John, in a song:

SONG of JOHN (October 2008)

Narito ako ngayon

naiisip, naaalala ang gabing kasama ka.

Pinipilit alalahanin ang pagsasalong nandyan ka pa.

Nanghihinayang ako ngayon,

nalulungkot, nangungulila sa iyo, Panginoon

Refrain:

Sana sinamahan na kita

Sana dinamayan nung gabing nag-iisa

Sa hardin na nagdarasal

Sa Ama sa kalangitan,

Ngunit ngayon, huli na ang lahat,

wala ka na sa piling ko.

II.

AKo ngayo’y nag-iisa

at nagsisisi na hinayaan kang

saktan nila at pahirapan

Naghihirap ang kalooban, na makita kang ganyan.

At nang ikaw ay ipako sa Krus,

Nakita ko, sa ‘yong mga mata,

wagas na Pag-ibig at pag-sinta.

REPEAT REFRAIN

O Diyos, Aking Panginoon

O Hesus, Salamat sa iyo.

Hindi ako karapat-dapat

ngunit hinirang mo.

Tinawag ako sa ‘king pangalan

at tinuring mong kaibigan….

Kaya’t ngayon, ang alay ko’y buong buhay ko.

The song above is still on its first draft.  I hope that when I finish my course with Fr. Manoling, I will be able to play this song with all my heart.

As a post script the song is almost done. I am so overwhelmed.

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