Regrets

It’s been going on for so many months now, that feeling of regretting something, of having done something and later on finding out that you might have some regrets about that decision.  But then again I would remind myself that I decided not out of whim but out of free will.  So I would just set that feeling aside hoping that it would go away.  But it keeps on haunting me.

This morning, I woke up feeling like I am slipping away.  I see myself like a fire about to extinguish.  Like a camp fire after every one has gone asleep.  The coldness is more overwhelming than the heat produced by the fire.  That’s how I feel now.

The reasons for my regrets are shallow but still they are constantly making me uneasy every time I think about them — the things I have longed for so long but still proved to be unattainable, the things I have been hoping for so long but have not come true for me but for another, the things I have for quite sometime but are no longer mine. Things that are hurting my pride so much.Things that make me envious. Things that make me miserable.In the past months, I just could not help but look back at what I had, what I could have been now if I did not decide the way I decided — maybe I might already have that car, maybe I might have been promoted and given a much higher pay, maybe I might not be worrying on how to pay my bills or how to finance my trip abroad, maybe I might not be worrying about money, maybe I might not feel vulnerable and helpless.Yet, every time I feel this way, I just remind myself that I willed this.Didn’t I ask God before I made the decision that he calls me?I waited and demanded for his blessing on my decision.That time, I was sure that it was what I wanted to do. Am I regretting that decision now???

Again, regrets are for those things that I have not been able to accomplish or have. How about those things that I did not have before but now have? And so I count my blessings. If I have not done what I did, would I meet all my friends from LST now?Would I meet the friends from the CIS’s module 2 and 3 if I have not attended these seminars? Would I be able to volunteer and accompany others in their own spiritual journey if I don’t have the time to make myself available for this ministry? Would I appreciate my faith better if I have not studied theology? Would I feel more free if I did not discover how God loves me unconditionally? Maybe. Or maybe not.But these things or rather these people and experiences are tangible reasons to be grateful. That in spite of what I could have or could have been, there are still good enough reasons to be thankful for.It is just up to me whether to focus on the reasons for my regrets or the reasons for my gratefulness.

This morning, the message I got after telling God my concerns was “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and everything will be given unto you.” I do not know if this has given me consolation or desolation.I just pray for the grace of holy indifference —to be free to pursue God’s will for me knowing that he is in control.

I hope that the fire in me does not extinguish. I hope instead, that by God’s grace it begins to burn bright for others again.

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The Grace That Is Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

In less than six days from now, we will all be celebrating the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.How have we prepared for this joyous occasion so far? I am sure most of you by now, have been busy shopping for gifts for your loved ones, friends, and colleagues, attending countless of Christmas parties and get-togethers, doing outreach and charities.Most of you here have already received your bonuses, gifts from friends and acquaintances, invitation to help in some outreach programs.Indeed, during this season, everyone seems so cheerful, generous, and thoughtful. It is like time freezes and we are transported to a different world.For a brief moment, we seem to forget about our deadlines at work, our little financial problems, our crises at home.Christmas for most of us, is like a break from our daily routine.As every greeting card would say it, “’tis the season of hope.”It is the season to celebrate. So again, let me ask, how have we prepared so far for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ?

In the clutter of this season, with so many parties, bargains, items for sale left and right, can we still focus on the reason for this celebration? Can we still find the time to reflect on the grace of this season? And when we speak of grace, can we think of a grace beyond the gifts we receive, the blessings we were bestowed with.For a moment, can we focus on the grace that is Jesus?

Let us go back two thousand years ago, exactly nine months before this time, to the time the Angel announced to Mary that she is to bear the Son of God.The angel said to Mary, “Hail Mary, full of grace…” In this greeting alone, the angel bore the blessing of God for Mary.Blessing as understood in the ancient world as bearing God’s favor.Mary is favored by God, not because she was a special person but because she bore the Son of God.Thus, the angel said to her that she is full of grace because she has Jesus Christ in her.Even before Jesus was born on the manger, Christmas already started when Mary said “Yes” to God and carried Jesus in her womb.Mary was full of grace, not because she received wonderful gifts or blessings of riches but because she has God in a physical sense; God, who is the giver of all gifts. And what would be the ultimate gift the Giver can give but the gift of Himself.So in this sense, grace is the giving of God himself to us, in the person of Jesus Christ. The coming of Jesus Christ in our world, becoming human like us, is grace.It is not just a gift being given to us, but it is God coming to us.This is grace.

What does the coming of God mean for us then? The event of God coming to the world in the person of Jesus Christ is a profound reality.It is not something that just happened two thousand years ago and then was terminated when he ascended into heaven.In the reality of Jesus, in his entire person and life, death and resurrection, we witnessed God’s favor on humanity.In our celebration of Christmas, we should not just think of the story in Bethlehem, it is not just the only moment we should consider; although,it should be the starting point for our reflection on who Jesus is to us, what Jesus has done for us, why the celebration of his coming into the world is hope for us.It is inevitable then that in our reflection on the coming of God, we would go beyond Bethlehem, to Egypt, Galilee, Nazareth, to Jerusalem and Calvary, and then the empty tomb, to the town outside Jerusalem on the road to Emmaus, and to the upper room. All these were part of one event — the coming of God in the person of Jesus Christ and His continued presence in the world in the Person of the Holy Spirit.

Who is Jesus?

In Matthew 16:16-18, Jesus asked his disciples, “Who do you say that I am?” It was Peter who uttered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of God.” This acclamation by Peter is grace.As Jesus said to him, “Flesh and blood did not reveal this to you but my Father in heaven..” Now, if we were to be asked by Jesus “Who do you say I am?” can we resonate the same words Peter had said, “You are the Messiah.”? Do we know what a Messiah is? And if we understood his being a Messiah as the One sent by God to save us, is he still relevant for us today? Do we need saving? Or can we already confidently say that we can manage by ourselves? These are just some questions for reflections on who Jesus is for us. No one can answer these, except ourselves. By being true to ourselves, we will really appreciate who Jesus is.

What has Jesus done for us?

In becoming human, what exactly did Jesus do for us? As early as the time of St. Paul, the apostles and the early Church Fathers, up to the time of the great theologians, they all had tried to make sense of why God became human for us humans.And they all agreed that God became human to make us gods — that is, to make us sons and daughters of God in the Son, who is Jesus Christ.So how is this possible?God, by becoming human, in the person of Jesus Christ, has assumed everything we have — our fallen nature, our human tendencies, our human weaknesses. And yet, he did not sin. So in the life of Jesus, he was obedient to the Father out of his will.His will has been always aligned with the Father’s will. This means, he used his will to do the will of the Father. He was free to do what he wanted, he can sin and yet he did not.In the example of his life then, he had shown us that we could triumph as he had.He was tempted in every way like us but he did not sin (Cf. Heb 4:15).So when Jesus died on the cross, the Father vindicated the Son by raising him back to life, in the resurrection.In his resurrection then, he brought victory over sin and death.Here is a man who is obedient to the Father’s will, and who is glorified by the Father.The resurrection marked the Father’s favor on His Son, and this signified the recovery of human dignity to its original form.We are now liberated from the hold of sin on us.What Jesus has done is to show that we too could triumph over our own struggles by his grace, and that because his grace now reigns in our midst, all the more we are assured that he is truly present in the here and now of this grace-filled world.

Why is the celebration of his coming, a source of hope for us?

We must nuance that “coming” of Jesus in our time is not a second birth, similar to what happened two thousand years ago in Bethlehem.The coming of Jesus in our time is the second coming of Jesus when he comes in glory.In a way, what we are celebrating every Christmas season is the remembrance of the first coming of God in our midst through the birth of Jesus, and at the same time, a joyful anticipation of his second coming. This celebration is source of hope for us because we know that in remembering the first coming, God has shown his favor for us by coming to us “in the flesh.”It is source of hope because we experienced how God loves us to the extent of becoming one of us in order to fulfill his ultimate destiny for us — that is to share with us his glory in the end of time. This celebration is source of hope for us because in anticipating his second coming, we are assured that Jesus has not left us to ourselves. Today, God is still with us in the person of the Holy Spirit.Grace is around us.As Jesus walked on this earth, all creatures were touched by his grace, across space and time.

So indeed, Christmas, the coming of Jesus Christ in the world is good news! We should remember that as we celebrate Christmas every year, let us not just remember the first coming of Christ in the world two thousand years ago but let us celebrate in joyful hope for the second coming of Jesus Christ in glory. Let this be a celebration of what Jesus has done, and is continuously doing for us through the Holy Spirit.Let this be a celebration of hope.Hope in that reality that God became human for us to bring us ever closer to him; and hope in that he is faithfully keeping his covenant to be with us until the end of time and that he will share with us his glory one day.Let us focus on the grace of Jesus in the world. May the Spirit of hope be the prevailing spirit in our hearts.May we be bearers of hope, bearers of grace for others, bearers of good news that truly Jesus has come and is to come. May we not lose sight of the real reason for the celebration.Like Mary, may we bear Jesus in us, and bring him to others.How? By being source of hope to those who are hopeless and by not becoming the source of hopelessness in the world. This is the real spirit of Christmas. And if we are transformed by it, then that too is grace.

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