For the Greatest Woman

Today, April 28, is my mom’s birthday. Actually, it is one of two parts. For almost 50 years she had been celebrating her birthday on this date but it was when she had to secure a new copy of her birth certificate that she saw her birthdate as May 2.  Now, she has no way of confirming which is the correct one as my grand mother has already passed away. Oh well, happy mistake, now she celebrates it a week long.

Since last night, I’ve been thinking what gift to give her.  Ang hirap niya kasi regaluhan. Wala kasi siya talagang gusto na bagay.  My mom is not materialistic, that’s for sure.  Hindi yan mahilig sa bag, sa sapatos, sa alahas, damit man o make-up. Kaya pag birthday niya o pasko man, hirap na hirap kami magregalo sa kanya ng mga kapatid ko.  Sometimes, I think the best gift for her, something that she would really appreciate is cash. Kidding aside, ang dami niya kasing tinutulungan.  Ang dami niyang gustong tulungan.  For her mas masaya siya pag nakakatulong siya sa iba kesa makatanggap siya ng regalo for her.  Kaya this morning I thought, why not blog about her.  I’ve been paying tribute to my dad for the longest time. But I have not really said good things about my mom.  Siguro dahil hindi namin nakasanayan sa family namin etong ganitong expressions of love (my siblings will agree).  Pero, I realized at this age, at my age, and her age, would I let “embarassment” get in the way of paying tribute to the greatest mother? (naks!)

My sister and brothers and even sisters-in-law (and include too my dad) will agree that my mom is a one-of-a-kind mother.  Para siyang inang ibon na hinahayaan ang mga anak niyang matutong lumipad on their own.  If my dad spoiled me, sheltered us when he was still alive, it was our mom who gave us our “freedom.”  Siya ang taga-lobby sa daddy ko na hayaan kaming gawin ang gusto namin.  She taught us at an early age to be responsible, to work for what we want.  When we were growing up, especially during our hard-up times, nasa college na ako noon sa La Salle, the single most important lesson she kept reminding us was “Huwag kang makipagsabayan sa mga kasama mo.” At that age, that sense of belongingness was very crucial. I didn’t realize the wisdom in that reminder.  In my desire to “fit” it, to “belong” sometimes, I have to earn, save for something I like kasi hindi ako bibigyan ng mommy ko ng pera para sa luho ko.  I remember I tried to convince her to get myself a yearbook.  Sabi niya, hindi ko iyon kailangan.  But for me, it would contain my college “memories.”  My favorite aunt in the long run helped me with paying the fees for the yearbook, but now sa totoo lang iyong yearbook na iyon, nakatiwangwang na lang.  Tama nga si mommy.

Our family had been through a lot.  My worst fear when we were growing up was money. Fear in not having.  There were times in the past that our electricity had to be cut because we cannot pay the bills. We moved several houses here in Manila after living in Pacita for almost 5 years because we cannot pay the rent anymore.  Minsan naranasan din namin na wala na kaming makain talaga.  Isang classic example na until now naaalala ko and I still couldn’t help but be amazed was a time when we want to buy some chichiria sa tindahan.  Ni coins wala talaga kami.  Ang naisip naming magkakapatid, maghanap ng barya sa mga singit singit ng upuan, tawa kami ng tawa pagkatapos kasi nakalimang piso din ata kami at nakabili kami ng chichirya.  That time, the only thing we know to survive was to loan from relatives.  At ang mommy ko kilala diyan.  She would loan money to the point of “humiliation” minsan.  Sometimes, I would hear people tell her why she kept on loaning without paying.  Pero hindi rin naman siya matiis ng mga kapatid niya.  But that left a stigma in her. It was hard to listen to people saying these things to her.  Vicious cycle na ang pangungutang and all the more that I hated money!  And yet, did she ever get affected by it? I don’t know. I didn’t see that she was.  Siguro dahil for her mas importante kami sa sasabihin ng tao.  Pride is not in my mom’s vocabulary.  She would do all sort of odd jobs, like sell insurance, sell “pasalubong” in the office just to earn and have money to pay the bills and buy food. Maabilidad siya talaga. And I appreciate it very much.  Most of the times, I would pray hard to God na sana magkapera na kami para hindi na namin kailangan mangutang.  Ayoko na kasing nahihirapan ang mommy at daddy ko. But those times, I felt like God was sooooo silent.  To the point that I even wrote a hate letter to God sa inis ko dahil parang hinahayaan lang niya kaming maghirap.  I could not see the grace in our situation. Madalas kong itanong kailan ba eto matatapos.  But all throughout, my mom has been our source of strength.  Panghinaan man ng loob na ang daddy ko, she would keep her ground.  I never heard her complain.  Kahit na may masakit sa kanya, we would never know about it. Her strength all this time has been God.  Iyon siguro ang pinakaimportanteng kayamanan na nakuha namin sa kanya. Her life’s witness to God.  Simula ng makilala niya ang Divine Mercy, sobrang grasya ang natanggap naming pamilya. She was the one who introduced to us the devotion to the Divine Mercy.  Hindi malayong mangyari na ang Divine Mercy ang patron ng aming family.  My dad even passed away at the hour of great mercy (3AM), while tuned in on the Divine Mercy channel.  This devotion would be my mom’s greatest gift to us.

As I mature in age, I begin to appreciate the wisdom of my mom.  Siya ang nagsabi sa amin na hindi mahalaga ang kayamanan, ang mag-ipon ng kayamanan dito sa mundo.  Sabi niya mas magandang mag-invest sa kayamanang madadala sa kabilang buhay.  For her, hindi mahalaga ang magkaroon ng sariling bahay kasi daw iiwanan mo din eto pag namatay ka.  I could not make sense of that before pero now that I am following a vocation of simple life or poverty, now it makes sense.  Slowly, na-appreciate ko lahat ng itinuro niya sa amin.  Siguro kaya hindi mahirap mag let go ng mga material desires kasi nga at an early age, natutunan ko na hindi iyon mahalaga.  There is much more important and valuable thing than fame, power and fortune, and that would be our relationship with God and our relationship with each other.  Siguro eto rin ang dahilan kaya kaming magkakapatid, though we’re not expressive with our loving, are bonded tightly and rooted deeply. I am also proud of the kind of relationship we have with each other.  We know that we can depend on each other. We love each other without cost.  We don’t measure the kindness we extend to each other.  We’ve all gone through the tough times in our family life together that is why we know how it was to be in need. Kaya ngayon, pag isa sa amin may kailangan, hindi mahihiyang humingi ng tulong or hindi din naman magaatubiling magbigay ng tulong.  It is not out of guilt or obligation but out of genuine love and care.  My mom and my dad’s guidance was instrumental in this.  Ngayon naiintindihan ko na why before walang pakialam ang mommy ko kahit na pagsabihan siya ng mga ate niya pag utang siya ng utang. Wala siyang pakialam not because she really didn’t care but because she knew they’re her family, she knew they will continue to love her.  Sabi niya nga, “ganun lang naman daw sila pero alam niya mahal siya ng mga kapatid niya at hindi siya matitiis ng mga eto.” And so she will tell us na dapat ganun din kami. We should help each other, meaning kaming magkakapatid. Kung sino ang meron magbigay. Kung sino ang wala, humingi ng tulong.  Siguro iyon din ang dahilan why in the past 10 years that I’ve been earning, transparent ako sa family ko kung magkano ang sweldo ko.  It was also the reason why I was not able to save.  Kasi mas gusto kong magbigay sa kanila.  I like to provide them a good life. I like to see them happy. Did I regret not having saved now that I am not earning much? No. Because I invested in memories, in relationships. All thanks to my mom’s wisdom, values.

There was this one time, some of my officemates commended me for my attitude at work. Hindi daw ako macomplain.  Then two of them said, “maganda siguro pagpapalaki sa iyo ng magulang mo.” And they were right. I might not be perfect but whoever I am now has been because of how I was brought up by my parents, because of their life’s examples, because of their values and wisdom imparted to us.

In this note, wala akong maibibigay sa mommy ko ngayon kundi ang taos pusong pasasalamat sa buhay na handog niya sa aming magkakapatid at sa aming pamilya.  Happy birthday, mother!

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