Making A Difference

Midnight. I just finished reading my students’ reflections on the questions on what their innermost desire/s is/are right now and what struck them and how did they feel after they watched the video of the song of David Haas, “Long Before I Was Born.” It took me two hours to read them all.  I never intended to read them all tonight.  And yet as I read one reflection after another, I could not stop myself from reading the rest of the class’ reflections.

This week has been a memorable week for me because this is the week I finally realized my dream to teach…and teach theology that is.  During my first day in teaching I felt mixed emotions as I did not know what to feel since I know I am looking forward to share my experience of God to these young people and yet I am insecure that maybe I may not be able to to do this.  I was overwhelmed by the fact that I would be “moving”, “stirring” more than 100 hearts.  How can this be possible?

But God has been so good to me and supportive of me because He sent me people to remind me that I cannot please every one, I do not have to change everyone, to make a difference on one person is already enough. And so I remember Mother Teresa when she said to focus first on one person  at a time, that one person is worthy of all the efforts of the heaven.  And this has consoled me.  Then God continued to remind me that this is not my work, it is His, I am just a mere instrument of His love.  He would be the one moving 100 or so hearts, stirring the hearts of these students.  He is the one making a difference.

And so, while I was reading their reflection, I had no expectation as to how they will answer the questions or even how they were moved by the activity. So it was totally very revealing of God when I immediately recognized his works in the reflections of my students.  He never fail to make his presence felt.  Even with my students who have questions and issues with him, I still sensed that God would very much like to connect with them and reveal his true self to them.  I felt that God was with me while I was reading their reflections.  I felt like God was smiling all the time and had been meaning to tell me, “see how I can make my presence felt.”  In that moment, I recognized that this vocation is truly rewarding and truly a blessing.  My experience of encountering God in spiritual direction is similar to what I have experienced reading my students’ reflection, it was an encounter x 40!  I was anxious on trying to make a difference on 100 students without realizing that these many students will also make a difference in my life.  I could not but feel honored and beholden again by God for allowing me to experience this…In a week’s time, my life has been affected radically by 100 different lives, 100 different experiences, 100 different encounters with God.  And in all these, God is magnified 100x!

God has not just been making difference in my students’ lives but also is continuously making a difference in my life.

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